Love That Lays Itself Down: A Wedding Sermon from Ephesians 5
Friends, we have gathered today for one of the most joyful things human beings ever do together. We have come to witness a covenant. Not a contract, not a partnership agreement, not a social arrangement that can be renegotiated when the terms feel inconvenient. We have come to watch two people bind themselves to one another in the sight of God and this congregation, and to do it in the name of Jesus Christ. That is a serious and beautiful thing, and the Bible has much to say about it.
Our text today is Ephesians 5, verses 21 through 33, from the Christian Standard Bible. I want to read it carefully, because every word matters.
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband."
That is the Word of God.
The Foundation: Mutual Reverence For Christ
Before Paul says a single word about husbands or wives, he lays a foundation in verse 21 that everything else rests upon. He says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." The whole passage grows out of that sentence. Christian marriage is not built on romantic feeling alone, as wonderful as that feeling is today. It is built on a shared reverence for Jesus Christ. The two of you are not simply choosing each other. You are choosing to honor Christ together, in the daily, ordinary, sometimes difficult work of being one.
That changes everything. When reverence for Christ is the foundation, the question in your marriage is never simply "what do I want?" The question becomes "what does faithfulness to Christ look like right here, right now, in this moment with this person I have promised to love?"
The Shape Of Covenant Love
Paul then speaks to each spouse, and he does something remarkable. He does not give either partner an easy assignment.
To the wife, he speaks of submission. That word has been misused, and it deserves honest treatment. Paul is not describing a hierarchy of worth. He is describing a pattern of trust and order within a covenant relationship, patterned after the church's willing trust in Christ. The church does not submit to Christ because Christ is superior in value. The church submits to Christ because Christ is trustworthy, because he has already laid down his life for her. Submission in this passage is not coercion. It is a chosen, dignified response to a love that has already proven itself.
To the husband, Paul gives the heavier word. He says, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Look at what Christ did. He did not demand service. He gave himself. He did not protect his own comfort. He went to a cross. The standard Paul sets for a husband is not authority exercised from a comfortable distance. It is self-giving love that puts the flourishing of the other person ahead of personal convenience, personal pride, and personal ease.
This is not a passage about who wins arguments. This is a passage about who is willing to lay themselves down.
The Mystery At The Center
Paul pauses in verse 32 and says something that should stop us in our tracks. He says this mystery is profound, and he is talking about Christ and the church. He is saying that your marriage, the covenant the two of you are making today, is meant to be a living picture of the greatest love story in the universe. The love of Jesus for his people. A love that pursued, that sacrificed, that cleansed, that restored, and that will one day present his bride in splendor.
You will not do this perfectly. No couple does. But the calling is real, and it is glorious. Every day that you choose to love when love is costly, every day that you choose faithfulness when faithfulness is hard, you are painting a portrait of the gospel for everyone around you.
A Charge To The Two Of You
So here is the charge I leave with you today. Let Christ be the center of your home. When the joy of this day gives way to the ordinary and sometimes difficult work of building a life together, come back to this passage. Come back to the cross. Ask not only what you deserve from each other, but what you can give. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Serve as you have been served. Love as you have been loved.
The God who brought you to this day is faithful. He will be faithful in every day that follows. Trust him together, and you will find that the covenant you are making today is not a burden. It is a gift.
May your home be full of grace. May your love grow deeper with every year. And may the watching world see in your marriage something of the love that Jesus Christ has for his own.
Amen.
Sources Consulted
Schreiner, Thomas R. Ephesians. Biblical Theology for Christian Proclamation. B&H Academic, 2018.
O'Brien, Peter T. The Letter to the Ephesians. Pillar New Testament Commentary. Eerdmans, 1999.
Thielman, Frank. Ephesians. Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament. Baker Academic, 2010.
Stott, John R. W. The Message of Ephesians. The Bible Speaks Today. InterVarsity Press, 1979.
Hoehner, Harold W. Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary. Baker Academic, 2002.
Before preaching: verify every biblical reference, replace general language only with couple-approved details, and revise the message in your own Christian tradition and pastoral voice.