Sermons On Marriage Problems

When The Foundation Cracks: Biblical Hope For Marriages Under Strain

There is a quiet kind of suffering that fills many pews on any given Sunday. It does not announce itself. It sits beside you in the parking lot, walks through the doors with you, and bows its head during the opening prayer. It is the suffering of a marriage that is hurting. Some of you know exactly what I mean. The distance has grown. The words have gotten sharper or have stopped coming altogether. The person you stood beside and made promises to feels, at this moment, more like a stranger than a partner. If that describes you, I want you to know that this sermon is for you, and I want you to hear it without shame.

We are going to spend our time this morning in two passages that belong together. Colossians 3:12-17 and Romans 12:9-18. Neither passage was written exclusively about marriage, and that is actually part of what makes them so powerful for marriages. Paul is describing what life in the body of Christ looks like when it is working the way God designed it. And when you read these words carefully, you realize that every quality he names is exactly what a struggling marriage needs.

The Clothes We Are Called To Put On

Colossians 3:12 opens with a remarkable phrase. Paul says, "Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Notice that he begins not with a command but with an identity. You are chosen. You are holy. You are dearly loved. The virtues he is about to list are not a performance you put on to earn God's favor. They flow from who you already are in Christ. This matters enormously for struggling marriages, because when a marriage is under strain, the temptation is to reduce it to a transaction. What am I getting? What am I giving? Is this worth it? Paul refuses that framework. He says the starting point is not your marital satisfaction. The starting point is your standing before God.

From that foundation, he calls for compassion, which is the capacity to feel the weight of another person's pain. He calls for kindness, which is goodwill expressed in concrete action. He calls for humility, which is the willingness to see yourself accurately and your spouse generously. He calls for gentleness, which is strength under control. And he calls for patience, which in the Greek carries the idea of bearing long with difficult people and difficult circumstances without giving way to anger or despair.

Now, verse 13 says something that cuts to the heart of nearly every marriage problem. "Bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive." The standard Paul sets is not fairness. It is not reciprocity. It is the cross. The Lord forgave you when you had done nothing to deserve it. He forgave you at great cost to himself. That is the model. Forgiveness in marriage is not pretending the wound did not happen. It is not excusing harmful behavior. It is the deliberate, costly choice to release a debt that is genuinely owed, because you yourself have been released from a debt you could never repay.

Verse 14 then says that above all these things, love is to be put on, because it is the bond of perfection. Love here is not a feeling that rises and falls with circumstances. It is a commitment that holds the other virtues together. And verse 15 reminds us that the peace of Christ is meant to rule in our hearts, not the peace that comes from avoiding hard conversations, but the peace that comes from being reconciled to God and to one another.

Love Without Hypocrisy

Romans 12:9 begins with three words that should stop us cold. "Let love be without hypocrisy." Paul is saying that there is a counterfeit version of love that looks like love on the surface but is actually self-serving. In a marriage under strain, it is possible to perform love while withholding the real thing. Paul calls us away from that. He says genuine love hates what is evil and clings to what is good. Verse 10 says to be devoted to one another and to outdo one another in showing honor.

Verse 18 is one of the most honest verses in the New Testament on the subject of human relationships. "If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Notice the two qualifications. If possible. As far as it depends on you. Paul is not naive. He knows that peace is not always achievable. He knows that reconciliation requires two people who are both willing to move toward truth and toward one another. He does not command you to manufacture peace that the other person is unwilling to participate in. He commands you to do your part, and to leave the rest in God's hands.

A Word Of Pastoral Honesty

I want to speak plainly for a moment. Some marriages are in ordinary conflict, the kind that every marriage experiences, the friction of two sinful people learning to love each other well. That kind of conflict is addressed directly by these passages. Repentance, forgiveness, humility, and patience are the path forward.

But some marriages are in something more serious. Some involve patterns of control, cruelty, or harm that go beyond ordinary conflict. If you are in a situation where you or your children are in danger, the most loving and biblical thing you can do is seek safety and seek help. Qualified pastoral counselors, licensed therapists, and in some cases legal authorities exist for exactly this reason. Staying silent about abuse is not faithfulness. Seeking help is not weakness. And no one in this room should interpret these passages as a command to remain in immediate danger.

The Hope That Holds

Colossians 3:17 closes the passage with this: "And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Everything. Even the hard conversations. Even the counseling appointments. Even the days when love feels more like a discipline than a delight. Do it in his name, because he is the one who holds what you cannot hold on your own.

The gospel is the only foundation strong enough to bear the weight of a struggling marriage. Christ loved the church when she was faithless. He pursued her when she turned away. He gave himself for her without guarantee of return. That love is not just a model. It is a power available to you right now, by his Spirit, if you will ask for it.

If your marriage is hurting, do not carry it alone. Bring it to Christ. Bring it to trusted, qualified help. Bring it to the community of believers who are called to bear one another's burdens. There is no shame in a marriage that is struggling. There is only the question of what you will do next.

Sources Consulted

Moo, Douglas J. The Letter to the Colossians and to Philemon. Pillar New Testament Commentary. Eerdmans, 2008.

Schreiner, Thomas R. Romans. Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament. Baker Academic, 1998.

Wright, N. T. Colossians and Philemon. Tyndale New Testament Commentaries. IVP Academic, 1986.

Cranfield, C. E. B. A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans. International Critical Commentary. T and T Clark, 1979.

Thielman, Frank. Ephesians. Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament. Baker Academic, 2010. (Consulted for parallel Pauline household and community ethics.)

Christian Standard Bible. Holman Bible Publishers, 2017.