Abide in This: A Charge to Walk in Love and Grace
Friends, we have gathered today for one of the most beautiful acts a human being can witness. Two people, made in the image of God, are standing before heaven and earth to say: I choose you. I will stay. I will love. That is no small thing. That is a holy thing.
And because it is holy, we do not want to send you into this marriage armed only with good feelings and good intentions. We want to send you into it armed with the Word of God. So let us open that Word together.
The Text Before Us
In John 15:9-12, Jesus speaks to his disciples on the night before his crucifixion. He says, "As the Father has loved me, I have also loved you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you."
Then in Colossians 3:12-17, the Apostle Paul describes what that love looks like when it is clothed in daily life. "Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since you were called to one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, and with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Two texts. One message. Abide in love, and let that love show up in the way you live.
The Source Of The Love You Need
Notice where Jesus begins in John 15. He does not say, "Love each other and try your best." He says, "As the Father has loved me, I have also loved you." The love you are called to give each other today does not originate with you. It flows from God himself, through his Son, into you.
This is the foundation of a Christian marriage. You are not two people who have simply found each other. You are two people whom God has loved first. The love you feel today is real, and it is good, and it is worth celebrating. But feelings are not a foundation. The love of Christ is a foundation. He loved you before you loved him. He gave himself for you before you could give anything in return. That is the kind of love that holds a marriage together when the feelings are tired and the days are hard.
Jesus uses the word "remain" or "abide." Stay in my love, he says. Do not drift from it. Do not let the pressures of life pull you away from the source. A marriage that abides in Christ is a marriage that keeps returning to the cross, keeps returning to forgiveness, keeps returning to grace.
What That Love Looks Like Every Day
Paul in Colossians does not leave love as an abstract idea. He dresses it in work clothes. He says: put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Notice that word "put on." These are not things you automatically feel. They are things you choose. Every morning of your married life, you will have the opportunity to put these things on or to leave them in the closet.
Paul goes further. He says bear with one another. That phrase carries the image of carrying a weight. Your spouse will have weaknesses. You will have weaknesses. Bearing with one another means you carry those weaknesses together rather than using them as weapons against each other.
And then he says forgive one another, just as the Lord has forgiven you. This is the heartbeat of a Christian marriage. You will disappoint each other. You will say things you wish you could take back. You will fail each other in ways you cannot yet predict. The question is not whether those moments will come. The question is what you will do when they arrive. Paul's answer is clear: forgive, because you have been forgiven. The grace you have received from Christ is the grace you are called to extend to each other.
Above all of this, Paul says, put on love. Love is the belt that holds everything else together. And the peace of Christ, he says, should act as a referee in your hearts. When conflict comes, and it will come, let the peace of Christ call the play. Let gratitude fill your home. Let the Word of God dwell richly between you, in your conversations, in your prayers, in the songs you sing.
A Charge To The Two Of You
To you who are making these vows today: the marriage you are entering is not a contract to be managed. It is a covenant to be kept. It is a living picture of the love Christ has for his church. That is a high and beautiful calling.
Abide in him. Return to his Word when you are lost. Return to his grace when you have failed. Return to his love when your own runs dry. A marriage built on the love of Christ is not a marriage without struggle. It is a marriage with a Savior who is greater than every struggle.
May the joy Jesus promised in John 15 be your joy. May the peace Paul described in Colossians 3 rule in your home. May you spend your lives putting on love, bearing with each other, forgiving as you have been forgiven, and giving thanks in all things.
This is the best wedding gift anyone can give you: not things, but truth. And the truth is this. Christ loves you. Abide in that love. Everything else will follow.
Sources Consulted
Carson, D. A. The Gospel According to John. Pillar New Testament Commentary. Eerdmans, 1991.
Moo, Douglas J. The Letters to the Colossians and to Philemon. Pillar New Testament Commentary. Eerdmans, 2008.
Schreiner, Thomas R. Covenant and God's Purpose for the World. Crossway, 2017.
Kostenberger, Andreas J. God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation. Crossway, 2010.
Piper, John. This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence. Crossway, 2009.
Before preaching: verify every biblical reference, replace general language only with couple-approved details, and revise the message in your own Christian tradition and pastoral voice.